We always hear kinds of comments thousands of bewildered parents are making about their teenagers. Their children often feel the same, too.

Life with a teenager can be pretty rough on a parent’s ego, and it is not surprising if we sometimes find ourselves wishing that our child could leap from twelve to twenty without having to plow through the difficult years between. Probably your teenager wishes it, too. For parents who tell their youngster that the teens are the most wonderful and enjoyable years of his life have almost certainly forgotten the many moments of misery that adolescence can bring. This is a time when a teenager has to grapple with a host of physical and emotional changes that make him a puzzle even to himself. It is when we fail to understand the stresses and tensions he faces, and focus our attention on behavior rather than the reasons behind it, that the greatest conflicts can arise.

A teenager is eager for independence, but desperately unsure of his ability to handle it. Back and forth he seesaws from childishness to maturity. Up and down swings his moods from elation to despair. Changes in body chemistry, more specific sexual feelings, psychological and social pressures, throw his emotions into turmoil. Unresolved conflicts from earlier years may reemerge now to demand fresh solutions. Academic and career pressures, the pace and shifting values of present-day society, add to the problems a teenager faces in his search for a sense of identity, and a basic philosophy by which he can live. Apparent apathy and indifference may cloak anxious self-questioning as the teenager asks: “Who am I?” “Where am I going?” “Why am I here?” Wild irritation, bursts of anger, sudden tears, or fits of giggling may stem from feelings of insecurity and tensions that are hard for them to control.

They fell insecure, but a teenager has to work toward final independence from his parents if he is to become a responsible adult in his own right. As a result, he may challenge our authority, resent it, and argue with us. He may become withdrawn and secretive, taking the telephone well out of earshot as he shares lengthy whispered confidences with a friend. A teenager cannot simply take over our standards without thinking them through for himself. Questioning our ideas and values is one way of establishing his own—even if they do turn out to resemble ours in the long run. Most teenagers need to see their parents in an unflattering light before they can come to terms with them as normal, fallible human beings. By criticizing our behavior, and calling attention to our faults, they make it easier to snip away at the strings of dependency.

The thing to remember about those difficult teenage years is that they are most difficult for your teenager who is going through them. This is when your sympathy and understanding are most needed. If you have had good communications in the past, there should be no major breakdown at this time.

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Firstly, we need to remember that the teenage years are not all problems. Storms and turbulence there may be, but there will also be times of calmness and friendliness, of closeness and affection. In fact, many teenagers come through these years with skill and ease. The teens are not an isolated period in a youngster’s life. They are simply a special stage in the continuous process of his growth toward adulthood. How intensely a teenager rebels will depend on his past experience, on how much scope for independence he has already had, and on the kind of relationship that has grown up between child and parent over the years.

Communication between parent and teenager is mutual respect. We need to be willing to listen to our teenager, to examine his point of view, to show him that we respect his views and feelings. We need to let him know that, although we may not always agree with him, we respect his right to feel and think as he does. Perhaps our viewpoint is more reasonable. But when we tell our children, “You don’t know what you are talking about,” or “We know better than you are,” we lock the door on communication. A young teenager still needs the security that comes from group acceptance.

Whereas communication now will be much easier if we have established an environment of friendly respect and cooperation while a child was growing up, it is never too late to start. We can make up for past mistakes if we are willing to acknowledge them. We shouldn’t be afraid to tell our children: When we admit our mistakes, when we can say, “I’m sorry”— and mean it—our credibility with our children goes up. It is when parents strive always to appear in the right that they run the risk of losing their children’s respect.

Your teenager needs your help with the controls¾though he would never admit it—and he will appreciate your support in establishing firm and worthwhile guides that he can follow. Those guidelines can be open to discussion and adjustment, but the important thing is that they exist. It is when parents sidestep their responsibility in these areas that their child gets the feeling that you don’t care about them. Guidelines can make you seem stern, but they prove you care.

Teenagers have a continuing need for the security of knowing that they are wanted, loved, and accepted by their parents. They need to know that we appreciate their feelings, and view their problems with compassion. But here we need to tread carefully. Listening sympathetically when your youngster wants to confide in you is one thing— constant probing of his feelings is quite another. Privacy is important to a teenager. He doesn’t want to feel that his parents can see through him, that they understand everything about him. To him, his emotions are unique, mysterious, and personal. Far better, then, to demonstrate that we accept those feelings than to analyze, judge, or belittle them.

The lines of communication are open, so mother and daughter are having a heart-to-heart chat that draws them closer as human beings. When the lines of communications are closed, father and son find that they can’t talk out the problem.

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Imagine the next time you join a discussion about single teen parents. When you start sharing the fascinating single teen parents facts below, your friends will be absolutely amazed.

The teen years are a special time in your life. Being a new parent is also special. Both come with their own joys and problems.

Being a single teen parent is not easy. In order to give your baby the best, you need a lot of love and support.

Many school districts have special programs to help teen parents. Some have programs for pregnant teens and teen mothers that include child care for babies while the teen mom goes to school. Some larger school districts have programs with flexible hours. These programs make it easier for teen parents to work and still go to school. Call your school district to find out if there is a program near you.

It’s really a good idea to probe a little deeper into the subject of single teen parents. What you learn may give you the confidence you need to venture into new areas.

There are reasons why school is important to teen parents. Here are some of them:

• You can get a better job if you finish high school. A high school diploma is required for most jobs. A high school diploma is needed if you want to go to college.

• You will be a good example for your child. You will be able to help her when she goes to school.

• Ask your school district if it has a special program for teen parents. Ask about how to get your General Equivalency Diploma (GED).

Knowing enough about single teen parents to make solid, informed choices cuts down on the fear factor. If you apply what you’ve just learned about single teen parents, you should have nothing to worry about.

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