Getting Your Children To Do Chores
One: Make A List of Age Appropriate Chores
Make a list of chores organized according to the abilities of your children. For instance, while six year olds are generally capable of dusting the dining room furniture, feeding the cat, and picking up stray dishes around the house, you probably need an older child to take the trash to the curb, mow the lawn, and clean the kitchen.
Two: Have A Meeting
Talk with your children about the importance of everyone pitching in. When that goes over like a lead balloon ask for their ideas on what jobs they could do to help around the house. You could have them rank possible jobs according to their likes and dislikes. You might be surprised at some of the things they would be willing to take on once they’re included in the planning process.
Three: Develop A Schedule That Fits Your Family’s Needs
My children each do two 10-15 minute jobs on the weekdays (one before they go to school and one around 6:00 pm). Saturday morning is set aside for everyone to work on more time-consuming jobs (cleaning bathrooms, bedrooms, the yard etc.). Some families may prefer to fit all chores into the evening or only on the weekends. Some families may think one job a day is sufficient. Others, due to their unique family situation, may need substantially more time spent on chores. The key is to choose a time amount and schedule that fits with your family’s needs and other commitments.
Four: Post The Chore Schedule
Dry erase boards are a great way to set up a job list, especially if you want to change the jobs around on a weekly or monthly basis. Posting a simple handwritten or typed list is fine. Or you might create a grid with the days on the top, the children’s names down the side, and the jobs in the grid blocks. Post the list in an easily visible area that will not get covered by other papers. Check off jobs as the children do them so you can keep track of their progress. I also mark down if jobs are poorly done or completed late.
Five: Train The Workers
You will need to invest some time at the beginning to show your children what you expect with each job. Young children may need you to do the chore with them a few times before they are comfortable on their own. It is important to expect competence. This will encourage a sense of satisfaction and fulfilled responsibility in your child and lead to some actual help for you. It is equally important to let go of any perfectionist tendencies you might be harboring.
Six: Establish Consequences
Both carrot and stick approaches work if applied consistently. You need to choose a consequence or set of consequences that fit with your parenting style and your children’s personalities.
A Few Carrots
Each child who does all his jobs that week without being reminded could choose an activity for the family to do together, or somewhere for the family to go to lunch, or even what everyone eats for dinner one night (for some children, to be in charge of even a small family item is a huge reward)
Each child could have a jar in which a coin (you choose the amount) is put every time the child does the chore on time and correctly. You might also take out a coin every time a job is forgotten. The child can keep the contents of the jar at the end of the week.
Jobs well done during the week can lead to added privileges or activities on the weekend (eg. having a guest sleep over at your house, extending the child’s curfew etc.)
A recap at dinner of who has been helpful can also be a powerful incentive. Try to bring up a positive point for each child but also be honest about what needs to improve.
A Few Sticks
If jobs are not being done properly or on time consider the following:
-Revoking weekend or afternoon privileges.
-Cancelling weekend or afternoon activities for some period of time.
-Cutting television/gameboy/computer time.
-Assigning additional jobs on the weekend for each weekday job not done properly. This is my personal favorite. If the kids have not been pulling their weight during the week, I end up with a completely clean house by the end of the weekend!
-If you give out allowance, tie the amount to how the jobs are done (eg. 50 cents off for each missed job).
-Go on strike! If they’re not going to do their household chores why should you do yours? A mini strike (e.g. no clean laundry for older kids, fending for themselves at dinner, no taxi service to friends or activities etc.) followed by a discussion about the importance of each person fulfilling their responsibility can work wonders.
Don’t be afraid to slam older children with tough consequences. Sometimes they simply need a little education. One week of doing all five children’s chores provided one of my sons with the attitude adjustment he needed to stop complaining about and start doing the 20 minutes a day I was asking of him.
Seven: Rotate The Job List
It’s a good idea to rotate the job list occasionally. Some parents might want to change the assignment list every week so that the children have experience doing different jobs and do not get bored. Others might want to rotate the chores on a monthly or seasonal basis. I go for the seasonal approach because I have found the regularity of jobs leads to less forgetting. In addition, changing the chore list every 3-4 months is less work for me!
Eight: Tweak The System
After a week or so you might want to fiddle with the system if the job choices or scheduling aren’t working out. The children may need to experience one or two sets of responses – whether you are using the carrot or the stick approach – in order to kick into gear. After the system is working, expect it to stop working at some point. If this happens consider the following: the children may need a break from chores (we all need an occasional vacation). Perhaps they are bored and would benefit from the chore list being reworked. Or they may have built up a tolerance to the incentive or disciplinary system you have set up so consider switching it around.
The keys to success with your chore system are clarity and consistency. Be sure your children know which jobs they should do and when they should do them. Be clear about the rewards for a job well done and/or the punishment for those not done properly or not done at all. And be willing to consistently enforce whatever consequences you have laid out.
