Understanding and Learning to Handle Your Child’s Temper Tantrums
Is your child prone to making outbursts? Does he cry out loud, scream, throw things around, kick objects, hurt people, or maybe even himself? You may well be wondering if there is something wrong with your child.
Temper tantrum in Children
When a child does not get what he needs or wants, he acts out his anger and frustration through a heightened display of emotion. Occasional tantrums from one to about for years old are normal. As a child grows older, he learns to express his anger using words instead of actions, develops self-control, and becomes more cooperative.
Why are temper tantrums in Children common during the early years?
Knowing what is happening at this stage of his development is important. What is your child thinking and feeling?
1. He recognizes he is a separate person from his parents and so wants to be independent. He desires to be in control (rather than be told what to do) and so frequently practices saying “no.” He tries to do things on his own – sometimes beyond what he is actually capable of doing. As he starts to be more active, his parents react by setting rules and regulations for him to learn and follow. This leads to conflicts between the parents and the child.
2. He is not emotionally mature. He finds it hard to deal with disappointments and imposed restrictions and has yet to learn to compromise.
3. He has a limited vocabulary. Since he is just learning how to talk, he is not yet accustomed to expressing his anger using words.
Ways to handle your Child’s temper tantrums
If managed successfully, a temper tantrum may lessen in frequency and intensity. However, if a child sees that he can get what he wants this way, he may use it to control others even as he grows older. Here are some ways parents can handle children’s outbursts:
1. Distract. When a child is about to get upset, turning his attention to something else may work, particularly for those two years old and below. Try some distracting comments. Resort to humor and turn the conflict into a game. For instance, if he refuses to take a bath, make funny faces or tell him that you’ll race him to the bathroom.
2. Ignore. Paying attention to a temper tantrum (even scolding is attention, of the negative sort) and agreeing to what he wants so he won’t make a scene will only make him want to do it repeatedly. Think of it as a performance. If he does not have an audience (that’s you!), he will eventually see that it does not work.
3. Call for a time-out. If your child follows you around after you have ignored him, put him in a quiet place like his playpen until he calms down. If you are in a public place, calmly carry him to the restroom or a place with fewer people. Remember, you don’t want to give him an audience.
4. Teach. When your child is calmer, talk with him and emphasize the importance of using words instead of actions to express anger. Teach him to speak in a respectful tone of voice and calm manner. Guide him in looking for alternative ways to work out a conflict. If he and his playmate are fighting over a toy, you can suggest taking turns or exchanging.
5. Encourage. Observe a situation that he has handled well and comment positively.
6. Give support. When your child acts out his anger, be careful not to label him as bad. What he needs is your patience and understanding. While he is still learning acceptable ways to express anger, believe in him and give him time to discover what he can still become.
